GRANDSONS

One of the greatest achievements of my life has been my marriage to my wife Robin. From that came my two daughters, Jessica and Carole. These three ladies have given me great joy, frustration, sorrow, and love for over 36 years. This past month, my youngest, Carole, turned 26. She was recently removed from our health insurance. We are now health insurance empty nesters.

Jessica is my oldest. She is married to my son-in-law, Christian. They have two sons, Roman and Stevie, whom I have labeled The Devilish Duo. We recently welcomed Lola and Penelope, fraternal twin girls, to the family.

Robin is an excellent mother. She is loving and supportive, and I could not have asked for a better mother for my children. Jessica is also an excellent mother. There are many aspects of their child rearing that I have observed that I support. Robin was excellent at raising our girls. They never lacked support or guidance from Robin. The issue is that raising girls is vastly different from raising boys.

Jessica has done an excellent job raising the Devilish Duo. She has provided all the love and support a mom can give. But there are times when she and Robin have issues with the way Christian and I interact with the boys.

Christian is a great father. He works hard to support the family. He reads to the boys, he oversees them in their chores, and he disciplines them. That brings us back to the issue that raising girls is vastly different from raising boys. Christian and I have our fathers as role models on how we raise our boys. Our father’s interactions with us were greatly different than the interactions with our mothers. This manifests in the ways we interact with the boys.

Boys are boisterous, energetic, rambunctious, and sometimes balls-to-the-wall insane (sometimes literally!). They don’t always react well to the measured approach that girls react well to. Boys naturally show symptoms of ADHD. They can do several things at once. They get antsy if you try to get them to focus on one thing at a time. The short attention spans are conducive to military-style treatment. A barked correction will lead to corrected behavior, with little thought for the barking. This is not true for girls, which I learned when I coached my first girls’ soccer team. My usual approach to coaching led to a team of crying girls. It also led to a lecture from my wife and a change in how I made corrections.

This was true, even in the military. I was a Drill Sergeant at Fort Dix, New Jersey, in charge of a platoon of female trainees. Yet another form of culture shock for me! Do not speak with a female trainee alone with yourself, and never, ever close the door. Use a modulated tone, encourage them, and praise them. Don’t do mass punishments. Explain yourself more. I learned that when you get a group of women together in high-stress situations, they do not keep house well. Their barracks were a constant mess and were the source of much frustration for the drill sergeants. They scored higher on the skills tests than their male counterparts. But when I got back to Fort Benning, Georgia, and trained male trainees, I was much happier.

Back to my grandsons. Fathers are often more strict with their children. Again, we base our interactions on our interactions with our fathers. Fathers push their sons. They challenge, prod, and scold them. We are often quick to punish and slow to praise. We teach by demonstrating. We model what we want for the boys, chastising them when they don’t pay attention. Paw worked with me by saying things that helped me be mentally nimble. Ofttimes, my first response to something Paw would say was, “Huh?” He would stare at me, challenging me to work it out. He used a host of quips. “No matter where you go, there you are,” “Like I always say, sometimes.” He was a walking quipster of Will Rogers and Yogi Berra.

When Christian or I treat our boys like our fathers treated us, Robin and Jessica say, “Stop! You’re being too hard on them!” Yes, that’s the point. Male minds know how to shape male minds. Here’s the funny part. Christian and I don’t offer advice on raising girls.

The two guys figure Robin and Jessica know how to raise girls, so we leave them to it. Mind you, Christian pitches in watching the girls, feeding them, and changing their diapers. So has Peepaw. Yet I can’t imagine advising Robin or Jessica on what the girls should wear, or how they should be treated.

Christian and I just want the same consideration for raising the boys.