Haimish the Haggis

Hello there! My name is Steve. I am the narrator for this series. Before you get to meet Haimish (Pronounced Hay-mish), some explanations are needed. A Scottish Haggis is a small, furry creature found in the Scottish Highlands. They are a mythical creature that kinda looks like a fat hamster. They are sought after for their meat, which makes a Scottish delicacy.

When not running in terror from hunters, they live happily in the highlands with highland cows, Shetland ponies, Scottish Terriers, Loch Ness monsters, and other fantastic creatures. They speak English with a Scottish accent, using a few Scottish words and phrases. I will try to explain as we go.

Haimish is the oldest son of Jessica and Christian Haggiston. He has two younger brothers: Roman, who is the oldest, and Stevie. They have two baby sisters on the way. The family lives in a quaint Haggis burrow in the Highlands, a mountainous area of Scotland. Their burrow is small but tidy and well-kept, like many Haggis burrows.

So now that I have you up to speed, let’s look in on the Haggiston’s burrow as Ma Haggiston finds a mess on the kitchen floor.

“Haimish!” Ma’s yell thundered through the burrow. Silence.

“Boy! Aim noot playin’ aroond! Come here at onct!”

A shuffling sound down the hallway let her know Haimish was on his way.

Haimish came into the kitchen rather sheepishly, which is easy to do for a fat, fluffy Haggis. He looked everywhere in the kitchen, except for at the mess or his ma.

Ma gave Haimish a stern look. “Haimish, me bonnie lad, what’s the rule in this burrow aboot messes?”

Haimish mumbled, “If mmblem habm, you clun…”

Ma cut in, “Nae! Yer havering, lad!” That meant Haimish was talking nonsense. “Now spit oot the marbles in yer mouth and speak true!”

Haimish sighed, “If you make a mess, you clean the mess.”

Ma pointed at the mess on the floor. “Then why, me bairn, is this mess on the floor o’ mae kitchen?” A bairn is the Scottish word for child.

Haimish lowered his head, “Roman must have…”

“Haud yer wheesht, boy!” Here, she meant for Haimish to be quiet. “Roman is kipping in his room.” That meant he was taking a nap.

Haimish tried again, “Maybe Stevie…”

“Nae, boy!” She moved so her nose was right in front of Haimish’s. “I’m fair scunnered!” That means she was fed up. “Stevie is kipping right next tae Roman, and afore ya try it, yer da’s at work!”

Haimish’s eyes teared up. “I guess I did it, Ma. I’m sorry!”

Ma rubbed her cheek on Haimish’s cheek. “Mae bonnie lad, if yer tae grow tae be a true Scottish Haggis, ya need tae be responsible. Dae ya ken what that means?” Ken is the Scottish word for know.

Haimish’s face scrunched up as he tried to say the big word, “Respobisle?”

Ma laughed, “Responsible, lad. Re-spon-sible.”

After several tries, Haimish was able to say, “Responsible! Hey ma! I said it true!”

Ma smiled, “That ya did, lad. Now what does it mean?”

Haimish’s face scrunched up again. He thought hard. Suddenly, his eyebrows shot up and he smiled. “It means if I make a mess, I clean up the mess!”

“Aye, lad. That it does. Nae go get a towel and clean up yer mess. Off wi’ ya!”

As Haimish scampered off to get a towel, Roman and Stevie came into the kitchen, yawning. Roman said to Ma, “What was the yellin’ aboot, Ma?”

Ma rubbed her cheeks against Roman’s and Stevie’s. “Haud yer wheesht, lad. That was me gettin’ Haimish’s attention.”

Haimish came over with a towel and cleaned up the mess. He looked at Roman and Stevie and said, “When Ma was mad, I tried tae blame you two. I’m sorry.”

Ma rubbed Haimish’s cheek again. “Haimish, Ah’m right prood o’ ya! Accepting responsibility fer yer actions is the right thing tae do!”

Roman and Stevie looked at each other and suddenly charged Haimish, knocking him over. They rolled around the kitchen floor, growling and giggling.

Ma laughed and began shooshing the boys out of the kitchen. “Awa’ wi’ ya, an bile yer heids, ya numpties!” She was saying to go away and stop being silly, you loveable idiots. The Scots love to tease each other.

The boys left, and Ma started work on dinner.

So there you have it. You’ve met Haimish, his two brothers, and his Ma.

What do you think it means to be responsible? Is it good to say, “If you make a mess, you clean the mess”? Why did Haimish apologize to Roman and Stevie? Was that a good thing to do?