I have come the conclusion that I am a recovering sociopath. Bear with me for a bit, as I will explain. I’ve been watching the series Signs of a Psychopath on Max. They have actual police interrogations of people after being arrested for something heinous. It is definitely NOT for the faint-of-heart! The show includes interviews with forensic psychologists, and other experts, that break down what is being seen in the interviews.
I can, without reservation, state that I am not a psychopath. I don’t have a history of bed-wetting, past the normal age, and I don’t have a history of harming animals or setting fires. Thus, I am not in danger of becoming a serial killer. But the probability is never zero. (Just kidding, but seriously…)
That being said, the introspective side of me started thinking about the various descriptions given, in light of my personal history. To start, lets take a look at the differences between a sociopath and a psychopath, and how I rate myself.
Sociopaths
- Make it clear they do not care how others feel – Often
- Behave in hot-headed and impulsive ways – Often
- Prone to fits of anger and rage – Sometimes
- Recognize what they are doing but rationalize their behavior – Often
- Cannot maintain a regular work and family life – Nope
- Can form emotional attachments, but it is difficult – Sometimes
Psychopaths
- Pretend to care – Sometimes
- Display cold-hearted behavior – Sometimes
- Fail to recognize other people’s distress – Sometimes
- Have relationships that are shallow and fake – Nope
- Maintain a normal life as a cover for criminal activity – Nope
- Fail to form genuine emotional attachments – Nope
- May love people in their own way – Sometimes
(Marcia Purse, VeryWellMind)
So clearly, I tend more to sociopathy than psychopathy. To muddy the waters a bit, let’s throw in narcissism.
Narcissists have:
- A grandiose sense of self-importance (i.e., exaggerates their achievements and abilities) – Sometimes
- A preoccupation with the idea of gaining success, power, love, and physical attractiveness – Sometimes
- A belief that they are special or high status and can only be understood by similar people or should only associate with those people (or institutions) – Sometimes
- A need for excessive admiration – Sometimes
- A sense of entitlement and expectation that others will comply or give them favorable treatment – Sometimes
- Exploits other people for personal gain – Sometimes
- Lacks empathy for others – Sometimes
- Envies others or believes that other people envy them – Sometimes
- Arrogant behaviors and attitudes – Sometimes
(Marcia Purse, VeryWellMind)
After reading this, I wonder how I’ve made friends, and have stayed married for 34 years. I do have a few friends, and Robin has a lot to do with the longevity of our marriage. There was a time in my life that these traits were so strong that Robin stated, “If I had met you when you were acting like that, we would have never gotten married.” All I can do is hang my head in shame and say, “That’s fair.” I wouldn’t have married me either, even if I loved myself. I was, to put it bluntly, a bit of a prat.
It can be fair to say we all start that way. Look at children. They are raging, narcissistic sociopaths that have to be trained out of it by their parents. This is why the optimal family unit is a mother and father raising the children. The mother brings nurturing into the child’s life, and the father brings Dad Jokes, pranks, and harassment, all in the guise of ‘toughening up’ the child. It takes two adults to beat, cajole, and harangue the child out of its natural narcissistic, sociopathic state, into a somewhat less narcissistic, sociopathic state that has a chance to mellow into a productive member of society. Sure, other types of families can make this happen, but it’s often harder.
Look at my two grandsons, Roman and Stevie. I call them the Devilish Duo for a reason. Watching them scream at the top of their lungs over who sits on what side of the one office chair they use to watch videos and play Minecraft (Don’t get me started on their screen time!), and I feel like I’ve been transported into a new episode of Signs of a Psychopath. All that’s missing is the blood-spray analysis, the frantic call to 911, and the scenes where the body(ies) were dumped. Both of my grandsons are good kids. I love them both and would give my life to protect them, but, c’mon.
Brain development doesn’t conclude until the mid-twenties, so it’s not surprising that the behavior of young adults continues to exhibit sociopathic, narcissistic traits. I present to you as evidence frat parties, drunk driving and diversion programs. As one gets older, experience, the exhaustion of advancing age and hard-won experience serves to beat these tendencies down. These behaviors are why religion is so important. Isn’t that special?
An external system of right and wrong serves to guide the formation of the internal system of right and wrong. My parents saw to it that I was raised a Lutheran, and certainly reinforced a sense of right and wrong. It didn’t stop me from doing wrong, but it did provide a compass to find my way back. After a plethora of whippings and an eon of groundings, that is.
Perhaps that’s the lesson for today. We need that concrete, moral compass. When children see their parents follow something greater than themselves, it’s easier for them to do the same. When parents fail, and as humans they will, we need that ultimate, supernatural source of right and wrong to fall back upon. Religions are a ready source of educational material. Parables, historical information, and usually centuries of written thought on various aspects of the religious beliefs and practices help shape, and strengthen, our moral compass.
My parents made sure that I knew right from wrong, and what needed to be done after I had done wrong. I did the same for my children, and my daughter and son-in-law are trying to do the same for their two Hell-spawns.
We certainly don’t want them as an episode in Signs of a Psychopath.
And leave my dead mother out of this!
Meditations of a Bald, Fat Guy 