IDENTIFYING CHILD MOLESTERS – CHAPTER 8

In Chapter 8 Visible Grooming, Dr. Van Dam provides, in the words of Criminal Minds, the profile. Before we get into that profile, there are some things to consider. A profile is not predictive. That means that a person who fits the profile is not necessarily a child molester. As you go through the parts of the profile you might think, “Wow, that describes me!” One of the descriptors is a child-like mentality. Most wives would use that to describe their husbands, but that doesn’t mean their husbands are child molesters. The profile provides a way for us to know if there is something to pay attention to.

A profile is a list of behavioral and/or demographic descriptors held in common by perpetrators. In Dr. Van Dam’s case, she focuses on behavioral traits. She interviewed numerous child molesters to identify these traits. The more traits a person exhibits, the more concern there should be. Keep in mind, the goal here is to NOT establish legal criteria. We’re not looking to provide evidence for trial. The goal is to protect children. A person who meets the profile should have their contact with children curtailed, and certainly be given more consideration. Groomers are manipulative sociopaths. We want to identify manipulative, sociopathic behavior and thereby protect children. We want to keep the wolves away from the lambs, not just teach the lambs to bleat when the wolf is around.

The profile was developed by child molesters, using their own words to describe the behaviors in which they engaged. Relying on children to report abuse is problematic. The onus of protecting children should be on the adults who care for them, so while it may be worthwhile to teach children what to do if an adult touches them, we as adults need to focus on identifying the molester before they get to that point. This process should not be used to label anyone as a molester, or even a suspected molester. A person meeting these criteria should be watched more closely, and their interactions with children should be viewed with a more critical eye.

So, as Hotch would say, “let’s present the profile.”
A child molester/adult groomer is:
– Exceptionally charming and/or helpful
with
– Engages in child-like play
– Prefers the company of children
– Roughhouses with and tickles children
– Obtains immediate insider status
and
– Fails to honor clear boundaries
– Goes on the offensive

Exceptionally charming and/or helpful
Being exceptionally charming and/or helpful is how the groomer grooms the adult, and thereby access to the children. Here we’re are looking at the “if it’s too good to be true, it is” adage. A groomer will appear out of nowhere, offering help without asking for anything in return. This is a specific strategy employed by child molesters. You have what they want. Access to the children is their reward for the good deeds they do. As Dr. Van Dam warns, “The helpfulness is not part of an obviously reciprocal relationship.” (Van Dam, Carla. Identifying Child Molesters (p. 151). Taylor and Francis. Kindle Edition.) People don’t want to look a gift horse in the mouth, so they’ll accept the help.

Engages in child-like play
Child molesters engage in child-like play. This allows the groomer to begin grooming the intended victim, and has a two-fold purpose. It gets the child used to the attentions of the groomer, and continues to strengthen the bond between the groomer and the adults. Groomers get increasingly personal with their touches, gauge the reactions of the victim, as well as those around them, and then continue the process.

The difference between a child molester and a normal adult playing with children is that an adult will maintain an adult orientation. Adults will stop or redirect hurtful behavior, and they won’t initiate hurtful taunting or possibly dangerous behavior. Child molesters play like children, often because they are emotionally arrested at the level of a child. If you see adults playing with children, look for these cues.

This applies to educational relationships as well. Teachers will not necessarily be playing with children, but consider their interpersonal relationships. Do they maintain an adult orientation? Do they maintain a professional decorum? The key is the setting of boundaries.

Prefers the company of children
Child molesters prefer the company of children over other adults. They actually have less interaction with adult peers than they do with children. Older teens who prefer babysitting to social activities of other teens may be of concern. Adults who prefer being around children more than their peers are an even greater concern. If there are parties with adults and children, adults who would rather be with the children than the adults should be a warning sign.

Roughhouses with and tickles children
One of the major identifiers of grooming is roughhousing and tickling, especially when this happens with children that are not your own, or in inappropriate places, like at school. Each of the molesters interviewed by Dr. Van Dam engaged in this physical interaction. This behavior has a dual purpose. It desensitizes the children to the groomer’s touch, and helps confer adult approval on subsequent interactions. Many of the molesters interviewed by Dr. Van Dam molested the children during these interactions, often in full view of the parents.

Obtains immediate insider status
Normal social interactions require time for a person to go though the stages of familiarity to be accepted in a group. A groomer, due to their charm and helpfulness, will gain almost immediate status. This is a warning sign. If you are having a social function with children and a strange person shows up being helpful with the children. Treat them like a stranger, no matter how helpful they are being with the children.

Fails to honor clear boundaries
A clear sign something is not right is a person who fails to honor clear boundaries. If a person is engaging in a behavior with someone else’s child, is asked to stop and doesn’t, that’s a clear sign that something is amiss. A normal person would readily acknowledge the authority of the parent, and would not want to overstep their bounds. Yet, if the over-stepper was providing a useful service like baby-sitting, and ignores the reasonable request, most would want to continue to receive the service, and so would not make an issue of the non-compliance. This is the trap.

Goes on the offensive
Frequently, those who bring to light questionable behaviors find themselves on the defensive. Remember that the groomer is charming and helpful. A parent that wants to call out a groomer’s questionable behavior may find themselves on the short end of the stick when it comes to people having their benefit threatened. Dr. Van Dam lists numerous examples of people who have supported groomers even after the behavior has been adjudicated. This seems puzzling until you consider that the person who supports the groomer does not want to face their own failings. There is tremendous power in denial.

So there it is. Dr. Van Dam has given you a working profile of a child molester. Remember, you’re not a member of the BAU. You don’t need to worry about evidence, civil rights or anything other than the safety of your children. A person who fits the profile may not necessarily be a child molester, but there is no harm done in heightening your perceptions of the situation. It’s about your kids, not about them!

NEWS DESK
– Las Vegas Man Sentenced To Over 12 Years in Prison For Sex Trafficking Children While Visiting Metro-Detroit
– Two Winner Residents Charged with Sex Trafficking of Children and Production of Child Pornography
– North Tonawanda Man Pleads Guilty To Receipt Of Child Pornography
– Cecil County Man Sentenced to 50 Years in Federal Prison for His Repeated Sexual Abuse of a Child
– Browning man sentenced to more than eight years in prison for raping girl on Blackfeet Indian Reservation
– Convicted Sex Offender Sentenced To 10 Years For Possessing Child Sexual Abuse Images And Videos
– Shiprock Man Sentenced to 12 Years in Prison for Abusive Sexual Contact of a Minor and Possession of Child Pornography
– Thurmont Man Pleads Guilty to Sexual Exploitation of a Child
– St. Louis Man Sentenced to 120 Years in Prison for Producing Child Pornography
– Money Mule Scheme Targets Teenagers and Young Adults
– Tehama County Man Returned to the United States to Face Federal Charges
– Vermont Resident Pleads Guilty to Traveling to Lake George for Sexual Contact with Minor
– Federal Grand Jury Indicts Anchorage Man on Child Pornography, Attempted Enticement Charges
– Bath Man With Prior Sex Offense Conviction Going To Prison On Child Pornography Charge
– Madison County Man Receives 7-Year Federal Sentence for Possession of Child Sexual Abuse Material
– Spencer Iowa Man Pleads Guilty to Possession of Child Pornography
– Wesley Chapel Man Sentenced To Life In Prison For Exploiting And Producing Sexual Abuse Material Depicting Children