HOMESPUN WISDOM

Paw came to my mind today. Truth be told, he’s on my mind a lot since he passed at the end of 2018. But today something happened that really brought him back to me.

Paw was a guy who really liked to let people think he wasn’t as smart as he was. He was a big fan of Louis L’Amour, and other western authors. He reveled in homespun wisdom, so much so that, when I was an Assistant Principal, I sent out a daily email to my staff that ended with a “Satterlyism”, one of his one-line, homespun wisdom. The staff loved them. They frequently asked, “Did he really say all those things?” Yup, he did. That doesn’t mean he created them all, but he sure did say them. “No matter where you go, there you are,” was one of his all-time favorites. He was a big fan of Lewis Grizzard(Shoot Low, Boys! They’re Riding Shetland Ponies!) and Will Rogers(“Politicians can do more funny things naturally, than I can think of to do purposely.”), so he had that going for him.

The one that pertained to an incident that happened today was, “Don’t go making a mountain for yourself ta climb. Life has got enough mountains fer ya.” The incident not only involved my grandsons, those Scions of Chaos, but the subject matter I’ve been writing about the past few days.

It started when a friend of the Devilish Duo came over. Pretty soon they were doing a Number 6 , all a-whappin’ an a-whompin’ around the house. Mebbe they all thought they was in the town of Rock Ridge. Peepaw was only on his first cup of coffee, so the boys were politely asked to take their play outside, by which I mean I growled, “Git out!” at the top of my lungs.

A bit later, I went into the kitchen to get my second cup of coffee, and happened to look out the window to check on the hellions. I was just in time to see the young friend pull his pants down and wave his little Cigar Store Indian (What is up with those, anyway?) at my grandsons. Well, that right there was something you don’t see everyday.

A guy in my line of work, school safety, will often go straight to worst case scenarios, so I made sure to take breath, and remember what Paw had said. I opened the door and told the young man, “Yeah, we don’t do that here. Let’s not do it again.” I went back in and started on my second cup. I seriously considered adding a lot more bite to the coffee, but even though it was five o’clock somewhere, I needed to stay sober.

When their friend went back home, I called the boys over to me. I thought back on all those episodes of Criminal Minds, and in my best David Rossi imitation I asked, “Has he ever pulled his pants down like that before?” Roman, looked away, “No.” Hmmm. I didn’t have to develop a rapport with Roman. I knew from his response that he was not telling me the truth. “Roman, I need you to be honest with me. Have you boys ever touched each other?” He looked right at me, “Well, when we play Ring around the Rosie, we hit each other down there.” Again, I know Roman, so I asked a clarifying question, “What do you mean, down there.” He pointed to his crotch. Right. I’ll get worried when he starts burying kill kits…

Even seven year olds engage in minimization. I guess it comes naturally. Peepaw had a chat with the boys about not touching other people down there, and not letting other people touch them down there. I shared what happened, and what I said to the boys, with their mother. Next chance she gets, she’ll share with the other mom what happened.

See? No muss, no fuss. Such behavior can be natural, and absent any clues otherwise, this was a naturally occurring thing that children do was they grow up. I am not a big fan of using this phrase as an excuse for bad behavior, but boys will be boys. Even when I was a middle school administrator, I dealt with boys “bag-tagging” each other, purple nurples, and other aspects of stupid boyish behavior.

As Dr. Van Dam wrote, there was no power imbalance, all the boys were operating with the same level of knowledge, so no harm, no foul. That doesn’t mean you don’t address it, but as Paw said, “Don’t go making a mountain for yourself ta climb. Life has got enough mountains fer ya.”

Dr. Van Dam’s theme of clarity applied to this situation as well. Over-reacting to a situation like this can cause some trauma. Children are concrete thinkers, so you need to keep your interactions concrete. Address it, keep all the adults in the loop, and keep an eye out for the next time.

It’s like Paw always said, sometimes, “Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.” Now, you might think that Will Rogers done said that, but I know for a fact Paw done said it, so I’ve spoken my piece, and counted to three.

“There are three kinds of men. The one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.” Will Rogers

“I was raised to think women had babies, stayed at home, and men worked. By the time I got ready to do it, I thought I had all the answers. Only somebody had changed the questions.” Lewis Grizzard

“When I die, remember that what you knew of me is with you always. What is buried is only the shell of what was. Do not regret the shell, but remember the man. Remember the father.” Louis L ‘Amour